


Zero Meaning

by lalois



Category: Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Best Friends, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Family Bonding, Forgiveness, Implied Relationships, Introspection, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Making Up, Male Friendship, One Shot, Past Relationship(s), Phone Calls & Telephones, Rings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:22:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24428695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalois/pseuds/lalois
Summary: As the Winter gives in to Spring and Japan falls into a recommended lock down, several phone calls between longtime friends intertwine. Until something disappears, and Ohkura finally understands it’s really time for him to deal properly with the infamous ‘Ryo issue’.
Relationships: Maruyama Ryuhei/Ohkura Tadayoshi, Nishikido Ryo/Ohkura Tadayoshi, Ohkura Tadayoshi/Yasuda Shota
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4
Collections: Je-united Spring Exchange 2020





	Zero Meaning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [te_chan11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/te_chan11/gifts).



_March 2020_

"Ne, Maruchan, how about it?"

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmh... maybe next time, Tacchon.”

"Ehhhh? You're cruel! Last time you said you would say yes! You promised!"

“But this time is no different from the last one, that is why I'm saying no again,” Maru patiently explains.

"Eh? What do you mean?"

“Please don't get me wrong, Tacchon. I love hanging out with you, you know I loooooooove it,” the bassist says softly and politely.

"Then why are you turning me down every time I ask you out?!"

“I am not.”

"Yes, you are. This doesn't make sense, honestly!"

“No, I am not, and yes, it does,” Maru sighs. “Now listen to me, Tacchon, please. Are you listening?”

"Mh."

“Are you properly, properly listening?” Maru asks again, over the phone, to which Ohkura impatiently rolls his eyes.

"Maru... I _am_ , okay?"

“Okay. Now, serious talk, okay? Okay? You're ready? 'Cause I am ready. Okay, okay. Now. Back to us. Maybe. Uh!”

"Maru..."

“I am flattered every time you ask me out, Tacchon. Honestly, I am. We've known each other for more than twenty years already but you know I am. This is who I am, a simple guy. An idiot. But even this idiot, Tacchon, can clearly tell the difference between the times when you're asking me out to see _me_ and those other times when you ask me out but you're actually wishing to see _some_ _other person_ instead, if only you could. Someone whose name starts with R and ends with-“

"That's not true!" Ohkura shrieks on the phone, and his sudden high-pitched reaction startles and silences both him and the bassist.

“Hey... I am not angry at all, Tacchon...,” Maru softly adds. “I perfectly feel you my friend, and I am not saying you're using me as some kind of replacement. I know you are not. Still, I only refused to meet you on those times exactly, you know?”

Ohkura is speechless. He's not used to Maru being that painfully blunt, however always talking in such soft voice. And it's embarrassing having this talk with Maru specifically, the one who has suffered Subaru and Ryo's loss the most. He never talks about it, but the drummer knows it way too well. He never gets his mood affected by it in public and still, all of them know he's the one affected the most by the double blow, and none of them know how to properly deal with it.

There were so many things they were not used to but would be now forced to get used to, after all, and maybe that's just another one of those.

“Please call him, Tacchon.”

"No way."

“Call him and-“

"I'm not going to call him," Ohkura insists. "What for, even? Tell him you miss him? I miss him? We miss him? No way Maru, this is just... ridiculous." He can hear Maru sigh over the phone as a reply, but refuses to talk further about such thing.

"Next time I'm asking you out it's because I wanna see you and no one else, okay?!"

“... I'd be honoured.”

Ohkura bites his lower lip.

"Goodnight, Maruchan."

“Please take care, Tacchon. Please.”

"Thanks. And sorry for-"

“Don't even mention iiiiit, oh! Pleeeeease!” Maru's most grown voice echoes through the phone, and the drummer cannot help but stifle a chuckle.

"Take care, ne?"

Maru merely whistles as a reply.

Once the call is over the drummer sighs, feeling terribly at fault for his own attitude. Being cold and rude towards the cinnamon roll of their group, how cruel. He knows he has no right to argue with Maru at all, not with such heartbroken Maru, at least. Not when he knows they share almost the same feelings towards a certain someone who's kind of dumped them both, in the end. They're both trying their best not to think about it when they do not have to. But with that certain someone's face and doings popping up basically everywhere every other day, Ohkura has to admit it's difficult to forget, even though a silver band on his right ring finger reminds him more often than not.

Before Ryo left, that simple ring had carried almost no meaning indeed. After the guitarist's departure, though, Ohkura keeps repeating himself one lie after another.

_April 2020_

It happens one day, when he wakes up and realizes he had fallen asleep on the couch the previous night, the TV still on. He had lost himself in too many random and deep thoughts, and what he had realized next, was that it was a clear, bright morning. Another sunny day to spend in lockdown, another sunny one wasted away. Ohkura wonders why sometimes even the sun can be so cruel. Then, he's reminded that the moon carries no less bitchy side; it had started when a certain someone had shouted his words of love to a whole dome in Fukuoka the previous summer, through Natsume Soseki's famous moon quote, and it suddenly feels too lonely. The drummer rolls on one side, unwilling to deal with his own brain, and quickly falls asleep again.

It takes him a while to notice it's missing. After a nap and a shower, he slips into a comfortable hoodie and baggy pants, retrieves his earrings on the shelf and searches for his favourite ring, only to find it's gone.

He blinks twice, then thrice. He was wearing it before the shower, right? Or maybe he wasn't? Since when has he gone without turning it out of habit around his finger? Since when, exactly?

Ohkura hates messy rooms, but he cannot help but turn his whole apartment over in order to find the small lost object, only to find none. When he's done with turning even his sofa upside down and he's short of breath, a lump invades his throat and he resists the impulse of giving up to a yell or a cry.

It's not like he did not know that things with Ryo would have been complicated to say the least, starting from September 4, 2019. Still, as long as he had some diversion to distract himself with, namely a fucking expensive seven-coloured and multi-layered bracelet and the stupid plain ring Ryo had given him, he thought he could bear with it a little longer. But maybe it's not like he imagined and after the halt of their 47 prefectures live tour, the push for a lockdown and the CoronaVirus emergency, there's another brick of his mental wall that is about to fall down.

He retrieves his mobile and dials the shortcut, waiting for the familiar voice to reply.

“Hello. What's up, Tatsu?”

"Ne, Shochan... Have you ever lost a ring that Shibuyan has given you? Honestly?"

“Never, of course,” Shota's mellow voice says through the phone.

"Never like never ever? Despite how messy your place is? Are you really sure?"

“Never. I'm sure.” Shota replies, not even bothered by the bluntness in Ohkura's words.

"And I'm fucked. Good."

“Have you?”

"I guess I do."

“Is it the one you wore lately?” Shota tries asking.

"The 'zero meaning' one, yeah..."

“Mmmh... One good reason to call him, right?”

"Ehh?! Are you insane, Yasu?! No way I'm gonna tell him I lost something he gave me, even if he insisted it was not important at all!!"

“Why not?”

"Are you even askin'?!" Ohkura cries, "one more reason for him to...-"

“... Dump you?” Shota bravely completes for him.

Ohkura makes a face, avoiding a reply. His best friend cannot see it, yet they both know he understands better than anyone else.

“He's not changed, Tatsu”, Shota gently adds. “I mean, he has had to, but not the way we mean it. There are things which will never change, and the two of you is-“

"I don't even know if it even makes sense anymore," Ohkura cuts him off.

“Why not try to find out, then?”

"Because I am a coward. Tired of losing precious pieces of me one after another," he painfully admits.

“I know, you know?”

"Shit... I am sorry, Sho-chan. I shouldn’t say those things to you especially."

“Quite the contrary, I'm glad you're being this honest with yourself. So please call him. And say bye bye for me,” Shota tenderly insists.

"I don't think I deserve you, Sho-chan..." Ohkura confesses after a while, only to hear a soft, healing chuckle coming from the other side, and a monition about keeping being proudly brave, no matter what.

**

It's even harder than expected, dialling that shortcut, and once he's pushed for the call he regrets every ring of the awaiting call he can nervously hear, until it's too late to hang up.

“ ... Moshi-moshi?”

Ohkura's insides start churning uncomfortably the very same moment that hoarse voice violently disrupts every cell of him from head to toe. He's listened to Ryo's first album like the stupid fan boy he is, he's heard and seen clips about his live tour on the television, he's read and wept on magazine articles mentioning his new life as a indie artist and still, he feels totally unprepared. Ryo is a storm to him, and always will be.

“... Ohkura, is that you?”

"Ah, it's me. Sorry, I was..."

The drummer hears Ryo chuckle softly over the phone and the tension in his stomach vanishes and dilates at the same time.

“Spacing out?” the other playfully suggests.

"Mh. I guess."

“Please don't tell me you're also about to stop 'Ryo-chan-ing' me because if you do, Ohkura, I'm going to hang up straight away.”

"I was just about to," Ohkura admits. "I guess."

“Fine. Don't. Please,” Ryo begs him.

"You've always frowned at me for calling you like that."

“I've always pretended I’m not fond of it.”

It would take too much for Ohkura to digest the avalanche of news, so he just ignores them all and goes on.

"How come… we've never talked about these trivial issues before?"

“… We've never had time, maybe? Never stopped time for a minute to put ourselves before anything else,” Ryo reflects.

"That's just like I am. I mean, the way we are. We were," Ohkura says, following the flow of thoughts. 

It takes Ryo a while before replying.

“Hey... Are we... not anymore?”

Ohkura feels like falling on his knees. It's unfair of Ryo asking him to such extent. It's unfair having him ask what he himself should ask but does not have the guts to.

"I called because... because there's something I have to tell you, Ryo-chan. And beside that, I wanted to seize the opportunity and ask you a lot of things. How you're dealing with the lockdown, how you feel about the cancelation of your American project, your new vid projects. How the guys are missing you so much but they're being brave, just because they’re awesome and I encourage them to... I wanted you to feel so proud of them, so proud of us. I wanted to talk about so many things but in the end I'm just an idiot babbling like a stupid idiot. Because apparently I cannot handle and face reality yet, and this pisses me off so much. I hate myself, Ryo-chan."

It's too late when Ohkura realizes the dam has broken and the flood has hit Ryo straight. But he cannot go back, and all he can do is bite his lower lip until it hurts.

“Don't you dare feel sorry for what you said, Ohkura,” Ryo tells him in a serious voice. “That's the only chance you'd have to make me feel like I hate you, and even if you would, I would not. I cannot.”

"But-"

“No, Ohkura, please. It's my fault, and mine only. I have lots to make amend for... Might as well start from something. How about you tell me first? The thing you mentioned you needed to talk about.”  
Ohkura catches his breath, and then spits it out.  
"I lost it."

“Eh?”

"I lost the ring you gave me," Ohkura murmurs. "I have brought it safely with me around all Japan during the Update Tour but I managed to lose it in my small apartment during the lockdown. Isn't it ridiculous? So how can there be a 'us', when I'm not even able to treasure this 'us' like I should, Ryo-chan?"

“I'll buy you another one.”

"But-"

“That one had zero meaning, right? When you asked me the reason why, I told you I simply thought it would look good on you and there was zero second meaning behind, isn't that so?”

"Even so, I liked it. And I'm this unworth-"

“How about I buy you one with a meaning, then? How about you lose it again, and I buy you a third one, and a fourth, or a fifth? I don't care, Ohkura, I don't. Even if you'd keep losing them, I'd keep buying you new ones, wishing for you to wear them and smile proudly. Because it's worth it. You are worth it.”

"Ryo-chan... I do not want another ring," the drummer admits.

“Then what?”

"I want something... that cannot be replaced," Ohkura exhales at once.

“… I told you I have to make amend and you're definitely making it so hard already, jeez,” Ryo whistles, much to Ohkura's sudden laughter.

"... Thank you, Ryo-chan."

“I missed it. Your laughter, I mean,” Ryo replies, fumbling a bit with his words. Ohkura does not miss noticing it, and he loves all the unconfessed things Ryo has admitted being there, lingering in the gap those months spent apart have created.

"So is it okay? You'll think about it for real, Ryo-chan?"

“Yup.”

"How come I'm the one doing the mischief and also the one receiving a treat, in the end?"

“ 'Cause you're a pampered brat, and always will be.”

Ohkura laughs again, openly.

"I'll be waiting, then."

He can hear Ryo laugh before hanging up.

Another one of the things he loves.

  
_May 2020_

  
Ohkura has to literally scramble out of bed when the doorbell rings. It's 8 A.M. in the morning, definitely too early for him, especially since his schedule has slackened off since lockdown started.

  
It's a delivery guy who’s waiting outside his apartment; as he hands him a paper card instead of a receipt, the still sleepy drummer suddenly remembers he cannot recall any pending order. Either he or the delivery guy are clueless, though, because said guy confirms him he's not mistaken, and the huge, ten feet tall parcel towering in the silent hall of the apartment complex is to be delivered to him and no one else.

Ohkura frowns repeatedly, scratching his head, but the drowsiness makes him unable to understand, let alone complain. He's received several packages from the Jimusho office recently, in order for him to work from remote, but he's almost 100% sure that the Jimusho had no such huge parcel to send him.

Then why, who, and above all what?

  
He bows when the delivery guy leaves, and opens the small envelope coming with the giant box.  
There's no signature on the small paper card inside, but he doesn't need any. He has recognized the handwriting, a slant and elegant flourish.  
The message is as short as cryptic. Just like the sender is.

  
_'Have fun_.'

  
Ohkura finds it no funny at all, having to open a parcel so huge that it cannot even pass through the door of his apartment; so he resolves discarding the several cardboard layers right there, on the hall, hoping no one of his neighbours would dare putting their noses out during such embarrassing moment.

He's aghast when the box reveals a massive fluffy toy inside: the Hugfun Costco plush teddy bear he's vainly looked for, basically sold out everywhere. It takes him a while also to push the soft bear over the threshold, for the eight feet tall item has a weight of about 16 kilos to drag inside. Once secured in the intimacy of his apartment, Ohkura looks affectionately at the newly arrived tenant, as it takes up half of the hall of his place.

He sits carefully on the lap of the bear and lets himself sink in its softness, before dialling a well-known shortcut on his mobile phone.

  
“Moshi-moshi?”

"Oi, it's me. What's the meaning of this, Ryo-chan?"

“This... what, exactly?”

"The huge fluffy thing I'm currently laying on," the drummer replies, “it’s so comfy to roll over”. It's a soft laugh, the one he receives as a reply.

“So, it got safely delivered. I'm glad. I didn't know if they'd make it in time today.”

"They did. Thank you."

“You're welcome. Zero meaning anyway, Ohkura.”

It's the drummer's time to crack a laugh.

"By the way, Ryo-chan... I also found the lost ring, this morning. It was stuck into the upholstery of the sofa and it came out while I was taking them out for washing them this morning.”

“I see. So there's was actually no need for me to give you another present. I might as well-“

"I’m afraid he's already positively settled at my place," Ohkura sweetly cuts him off. "No need to return anything, you know."

“Hey, how do you know it's a he?”

"I called him Nomad-chan, so it's a He."

“Jeez... He'll be the laziest teddy bear on Planet Earth, how can you even nickname him so?!”

"He took it after his dad's, that couldn't be helped."

“Mh... It is not what you asked for, though, Ohkura. No irreplaceable thing.”

"Indeed."

“Hey, Ohkura... Happy Birthday.”

"Thank you… Ne, Ryo-chan... Once the quarantine will be over, may I treat you to something good?"

“Uh... Your place?”

"Yup. You shall also meet Nomad-chan, after all, and check up on how I'm raising him."

He can hear Ryo giggle over the phone, and the feeling alone makes Ohkura's stomach flutter and churn like it had not done for long.

"I also missed it. Ryo-chan's giggle," Ohkura blurts out, out of the blue.

“... I'm… glad I called,” Ryo replies after a good while, and the drummer can feel there’s definitely something soft, in the way Ryo entrusts his words to him. “I'll be waiting for the time and date, then.”

"Ah, Ryo-chan!"

“Mh?”

"Sho-chan also says bye. He'll kill me if I were to forget to tell you!"

“Please tell him I'm happy he persuaded you to call me, in the end.”

"He did not-"

“He did, c'mon.”

"I said he didn't!" Ohkura insists, pouting.

“You're pouting, right? I can tell!” Ryo laughs.

"I. am. not.," Ohkura growls, trying hard not to laugh, as well.

Ryo quickly retorts again and Ohkura knows it, that they're already back to flirting.

Flirting subtly, losing themselves one into another through words and thoughts left lingering in the air. Waiting eagerly for them to be said aloud, and gazes meeting each other's.

It's something that cannot be replaced.

Ohkura smiles to himself.

He's been granted it, in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> I made use of several RL prompts for this story (recents & not), I hope you appreciate the hints ;)  
> A huge thanks to the mods for the challenge & to the beta-reader for helping out!


End file.
